Person came back with questions -typed an email even – they seemed legit and I liked the effort.  Questions you might have, questions we hadn’t covered yet – “Why is the job open?  What is the bonus structure?”  I knew most of the answers but just needed to clarify a few details with the client.  The candidate was worth getting the specifics for and I like to prove I am different from other recruiters -so…bottom line – I had enough doubt I just wanted to make sure on a few things. I went and got the answers.

I had already failed at this point.

You may know where this is going.  Let’s cut to it.  I get all the answers, we review them and then, ” I AM NOT INTERESTED.” (definitely all caps from my recollection) I pretty much heard a game show buzzer and a large WTF? appeared on the wall in front of me.  I was rather miffed… but not really.  Honestly, this had been an exhaustive search and I was more disappointed in my recruiter optimism than anything.  I was lacking a wise perspective at this point – more pissed than miffed.  Maybe miffed but from the pissed sort of genre.  Ah..emerging clarity.

The real clarity on this conflict came on Saturday morning from my 3 year old.  My wife had taken the 7 year old to the American Girl Store in Chicago that weekend so it was the least I could do to take my 3 year old on a similar outing.  We chose Dunkin’ Donuts.  Seemed like a fair response to the shopping spree in a Dad sort of way.  Between the two outings, we spent $304.99.

You take the 3 year old for donuts – you know you are all about assorted donut holes, varying sprinkles and chocolate milk (see Donut handbook).  What you don’t expect between the donut hole collage and chocolate milk bottle repeatedly teetering on table’s edge is a recruiting mentor to emerge?  The colorful sprinkles needing wiped from her mouth, mouth full of cake donut, chocolate milk drip on her chin and all in a milk throat kind of voice – my Lucy says, “What else you got, Dad?”

I had come full donut circle at the teachings of Lucy Skrentny Leffkowitz.  The candidate’s emailed questions were crystallized into one gigantic question -

“What else you got, Recruiter?”

Big time learning from the smallest recruiter trainer.  Look for her training modules soon but don’t expect candidates wielding this concealed question to resign in the near future.  While the 3 year old in her discovery ASKS the question – the wannabe masks the question with tire kicking, counts a healthy bonus potential that hasn’t paid out in 3 years as income and clings to unreciprocated loyalty with a value system that worked well for his parents.

I failed because I should have re-re-qualified him specifically for his seriousness level – I did not – those darn unvalidated assumptions.  I wish good blog posts came from the victories and not all these learnings.  Now that you know the official question of the unrealistic – You need the song of the unrealistic because I know you wannabe a “JobStar!”

We need to discuss the above first.

A good career conversation is going to include painful discussion. Why would you leave your company?  What would you change about your current role?  What does your boss say about your future?  What does your boss’s boss say about it?

These are going to be questions you hear from me.  You may be asking them to yourself – maybe you should be.  Perhaps you self-medicate with over-the-cubicle remedies like “It’ll work out” self-talk, the ever-present – denial and unreciprocated loyalty.  If you face the pain, you know you have to take action, right?

Is it time for a painful discussion?  I am happy to pull up a chair if you want to talk.

One more thing – as you manage this career of yours – I hope you will SERIOUSLY ponder – Can the powers that be resolve the root cause of your concern?  Is it even possible?

This policy is solid – and while I live in the gray most of the time – we are going B and W on this standard. Your email needs to be your first name, initial, whatever plus a really creative dot…or no dot for you old school email artisans – and the email provider of your choice will typically take it from there.

Here is the new policy – if you have one those overly cutesy email addresses (confident I have not written a blog post with “cutesy” in it) – I will ask you to repeat it so much, spell it a couple of times, mix in a huh? or two and soon…you will discern – “Ya know…I really should change that.”

And here is why the policy is now in force. Because believe it or not – people say to me – “Hey, what is up with that email address?” Look, I promise you that if they don’t say it – they THINK it.

Hypothetical example to follow. Suppose, you are a dog lover and it is natural that you would wanna email address reflective of that, right? I mean, you got the hand painted dog biscuit jar and the furniture scars to prove it. Is that your feisty little Chihuahua barking as I interview you – oh, you have 3….ok…really? And 3 rescues on the way to your wannabe kennel? Wow. Ok.

Bottom line – people may want to email you. They want to drop you a line and your phonetic spelling of Chihuahua – spelled
“C-h-i-w-a-w-a-w” in your email – as in chiwawawlovr@dogguy.com – since chihuahualover@dogguy.com was taken – basically, your email…well…you screwed the pooch here. (Sorry… but you did.)

“What sets you apart from your professional peers?”

Simply, Jobseeker – You must know and you need to show.  This is the foundation of your unique brand.  Please – not the personal branding stuff again.  I KNOW – you hate that talk but….

Hiring managers are begging for something different.  Begging I say! – for better resumes, thoughtful thank you notes, a firm handshake with a look in the eye, really good, brief answers, prepared candidates that give employers reason to hire them.

As many of you know, I facilitate a job seeker meeting every Thursday in the Indianapolis area.  These job seekers have clearly stated they want the truth…and that they can handle it.  My goal is to help them any way I can and for them to help each other.  I am biased – but in this marketplace you need a group like this to stay in the game, to talk with your fellow persons, to engage.  Perhaps you should even start one.

I usually give first time attenders a pass before I unleash my opinion but I didn’t in this case.  A very nice lady shows up one day – an administrative assistant.  I tempered my comments at first but finally said, “Administrative assistants are a dime a dozen.”  (I did kind of cringe when I said it but I said it.)  At this time, I was hoping she knew I was talking about the “role” her and not the “real” her.  She didn’t flinch.  Whew.

Her resume was plain.  Plain plain.  Not even vanilla.  She was not.  She struggled to answer what set her apart though.  Here is why – the answer takes work. takes thought.  Takes examining where you have been, what you have contributed to your workplace, what you do differently – takes some focus.  We set up a time to talk – she called when she said she would.  She put a plan together and showed up at the the next meeting.

I almost didn’t recognize her – her first words, “I just wrote a killer cover letter.”  I am not sure those three words have ever been used together.  Killer. cover. letter.

Here is how she did it.  She writes a thoughtful opening paragraph building the case that she knows all the resumes they are reviewing pretty much look the same (check).  She then articulates the 3 traits that she feels set her apart (check) – then the best line of the letter smacks the reader in the face.  Here is the line.  Wait – are you ready for this?  OK.  Verbatim.  “My former supervisors agree.” Powerful line, Folks.

Now, how do we know that?  Let me share that with you.  She then incorporates 2 quotes from recent supervisors right there in the cover letter.  Ni-ice (pronounced Nuh-ice) work!

And now…The REST of the story.  She is now employed.  Hired by a company that she never sent this letter to when responding to their ad.  What?  She hadn’t written it yet.  What a waste, right?  Oh, not so fast.  She interviewed with them a few days after writing the cover letter.  The story is – the letter didn’t help her get in the door BUT the exercise of writing the letter and reviewing it with competent peers helped her interview better and be able to call their door her own.  She brought a new-found confidence and a secure grasp of what set her apart because she did the work and ACTUALLY asked her former supervisors what they thought of her contribution, her skills, her.

Do you refer to your cover letter as killer?  Do you know what sets you apart from your professional peers?  Can you articulate it?  Have you asked your former supervisors that question?   She went in knowing her brand.  Do you know yours …or are you just going in all Brandom (my word)?

Now…go rewrite your mediocre cover letter.

I am going to try this again though – honestly, I realize these people do not control when they get an offer but they do control their daily plan.  They make their own success, they make their own luck.  One of the ladies in the group, recently relocated from Manhattan to the Indianapolis area.  Not as big of a move as Indy to New York City but a big move when you only know two people in town.  While Indy is no NYC, it is the 12th largest metro area in the country. 

She has been here 5 weeks.  She has been to every meeting.  She is slicing and dicing Indy’s north side and is a networking phenom.  She shows up, she contributes and most noteworthy and impressive, in my mind, is that she quickly got rid of her Yankee pride and said – I need some help. 

LEARNING – Job seekers – shed your pride.  Recently downsized – purge your bitterness.  This is an opportunity.  You control the process. 

I barely advertise this group because I want people to want to show up.  I set a time - they know to be there and we will discuss something.  Most of what we discuss is their search, their frustrations, their approach, and try to pull the answers out of them that they already possess. 

Back to, let’s call her…uh… Jill – I have seen Jill have some good days and bad days.  She has had some interviews, attends networking events, applies online and also utilizes some unconventional approaches to get herself in the door.  She is working it.  I reminded her, just this morning, to stop and reflect on what she has accomplished in the last 5 weeks.  Maybe it is that extra time she has saved commuting, but I swear she appears to have extra time in her days – plenty of time to reflect. 

I know this – Jill WILL prevail because as Rick Pitino (a famous New Yorker) said in his book – Success Is A Choice - “When you work hard, money and opportunity will find you” – and what YOU can learn from Jill’s starting over networking experience is:  

1.  You Need to Quickly Lose The Pride, People 

2.  Show Up Somewhere and Make a Contribution 

3.  You Will Have Good Days and Bad Days 

4.  Have A Process, Work Your Process, Refine Your Process 

5.  Reflect On Your Accomplishments (weekly) 

So for Jill,  a 710 mile move, 5 weeks in a new city where she now knows more than 2 people, a much larger living space, a simpler life, a car for the first time in years, free parking, a park but not a Central Park, new surroundings, new neighbors, new friends, no skyline, no Broadway, some panic, some perspective and no job YET –  but as the great philosopher Henley uttered, “In a New York minute, everything can change.”  This season will soon be a faint blip on Jill’s radar screen.

He goes home last week and completes his profile.  He applied what he learned.  So back to this week – his time to share.  He shares with us that he completed his profile.  Picture and all.  Great.  I was glad he shared that. 

We move to Wins and he speaks up again.  His win?  He has an interview this week.  13 months out and he has an interview.  Someone had found him on LinkedIn.  No job posting, no ad to reply to, just someone saying “I’d like to talk with you.”  Imagine that.  Do I think it happens that fast?  It certainly can. 

I followed up with him after the meeting with an email – here is an excerpt: 

________, if I may, make sure they understand you have put this time off in to perspective.  You know - ”it is part of the plan” stuff.  I think employers want to know you are in the game and have examined this.  Hope that makes sense. 

He responded with a thank you and “he would address it.”   I clarified with: 

HR professionals hear people complain all day long about this kind of stuff.  To get their attention you should come in with a fresh perspective on YOUR experience.  Don’t draw attention to it, or have a monologue about it;  just know if you can convince them you have gained some understanding of the benefit of having this time – you are better than the rest.  And ..of course you are. 

My point here is that employers are tired of hearing the complaining of candidates in interviews.  Interviews are not family counseling.  I know this sounds insensitive but you have to shed the “woe is me – I never saw it coming” mentality or interviews can turn in to therapy sessions.  HR quickly goes from “Human Resources” to “Has Reservations” – we don’t want that. 

Unemployment is no fun.  It can be devastating and can have an impact on every facet of your life.  I understand.  The good news is that you have time to reinvent yourself.  You have time to take a look,  examine the situation and make peace with your new found perspective.  During this time, take note of learnings and winnings.  Write them down.  Record them.  Journal. 

As far as LinkedIn goes – you gotta get on there.  A MUST along with your professional resume.  Here is the takeaway - he knew he needed a resume because he was looking.  He never really got the fact that people were looking for him.   They found him.  And, THAT is a learning and a winning.

I came away from this meeting somewhat scared, maybe overwhelmed (I only have a 3 and 7 year old) yet thinking “what an awesome, incredible responsibility I have as a Dad.”   Huge responsibility and fortunately still time to focus on intentionality in parenting as we seek to raise two ladies to contribute to society.

This wasn’t men telling men how to manage their daughters – this was mostly heartfelt content and insight supplied by daughters – the experts.  Here we were - a group of individuals that are supposed to have all the answers, hearing the answers from ones like our own and wow – did it make for a quiet room.   When do they get a cell phone?  I still don’t know that but I will text you between getting their ears pierced and their first date.

A meeting series entitled “You Have What It Takes”.  Right.  Thanks for the manufactured optimism to offset my ingrained cynicism.  Hey, maybe I do have what it takes and if I don’t maybe I can steal yours for a moment.  Can I?  Yes, unless I am holed up in my basement, my job search cockpit.  What I am saying is the content was invaluable but the sharing with others completely enhanced the content.

Mr. Unemployed or Ms. Unemployed, I am writing to you.  You need a roundtable filled with a few of your peers.  You need to be quiet and listen like you have never listened before yet you also need to speak up.  Do you have a safe roundtable in your life where you can pull up a chair?  You have something to contribute even if you think you don’t.  You do.

Perspective, affirmation, reassurance – all the intangibles we rarely, if ever admit we need and then some – that you only gain from getting out there and mixing it up with others in a similar situation.   By the way, we aren’t talking a bitch session – we are talking about a finding solutions together session.

Plenty of information out there to consume, take in and process but how about this.  What about the discussion?  I don’t mean you need to sign-up for more webinars rich in content – I am talking about showing up so your fellow man and woman can pull that rich content out of you.  I am convinced there is a wannabe thought leader inside all of us if we just let it out.  You have a sphere of influence.  They need influenced – so go activate that sphere.  They need your thoughts, they need your perspective.

Find some people to manufacture some optimism with right now.  Do this job search better with others.

(I put this into practice yesterday with a group of men in career transition and in the next blog post – I will share my observations.)

This candidate had reasons for being that way – I was unaware this person already had an offer.  They could not project warmth for their heart already belonged to another.  Warmth or Fake warmth – go find it.  People skills have to be considered as an additional step in recession proofing your career.  In desperate times, let’s face it – aholes, complainers, grumblers, half ass contributors are REALLY on the radar.  The perception of your people skills, your ability to control yourself, your tongue, your whatever may be at the tipping point of determining your fate and if for Christmas a new gig will be at the top of your wishlist. 

I am now calling for CE courses in people skills and work relationships.  I think you can look for these courses very soon from the CGP Institute -

Genuineness and Fake Sincerity – pick one.

2 part course – How to Bitch Less and – Moving to Contributor from Consumer at the office.

Are you aware of your annoying voice?

Co-worker awareness of ice crunching and finger nail clipping in your cubicle.

Voice mail greetings during your jobsearch that don’t include your kids voices.

Work travel and ordering meals that you would order if you were paying for it.

Are you “talk loud in public on your mobile phone guy”? 

Controlling your spouse and significant others at various work functions.

Your Blackberry is not a human being. 

Men only:  Wait until after the meeting to adjust yourself.

You can overcome listening to your voice mails on speaker phone.

BONUS Advanced Courses – Showing Gratitude, How to Say the Actual Words – “I am SORRY and I was Wrong” and ”I AM STARTING WITH THE JACKASS IN THE MIRROR.” 

These courses have been devloped through careful listening to the needs of my clients.  Please feel free to request others based upon your particular work environment in feedback below.

People skills will and still matter.  Happy Thanksgiving!  Let’s eat.