Timing really is a key to so many things in this life. Are you ready? Are YOU ready?
I have never really considered getting a tattoo – really what I would get? where would I want it on my body? and the permanence of it – geez – this is serious business. Apparently, I wasn’t aware of it but I already have one. Did this happen on some drunken binge recently? A spring break back in the day? I am not quite sure but it is true – I already have a tattoo and it is smack dab in the middle of my forehead. It says – "Tell me about your multi-level marketing opportunity."
The catch is not everyone can see it – did I pay extra for this? Is that like a hologram tattoo or something? Can you only see it when I turn one way or the other? Well, look I didn’t pay for this tattoo but I paid for it alright.
So, in walks this acquaintance with the ability to see my tattoo. I am not aware of her skill. She is disguised as a caring former recruiting professional with an interest in returning to the biz and by that – I mean – not really. Given her alleged empathy I probably shared a little more of the frustration of my job than I normally would. Regardless she has the customized solution – and by customized I mean for anyone in the freaking world that will listen, pay $49.95 for some kit, and is willing to lose their soul.
Yes, I want more time. Yes, I want to spend more time with my family. Yes, I want to travel. Yes, I want the fast car, killer motorcycle, all that material shit that I can get. YES! YES! YES! Unfortunately, I also want to enjoy all those things with my friends who I would probably lose if I chose this path. I will admit to you that I somewhat enjoy the presentation because it does sound SO good. The promises are alluring.
Being the occasional thoughtful guy I am – I really wanted to give her a thoughtful answer – a substantive one because I know she is armed with some objection handling skills that are going to be fired upon me and actually she is a nice lady – I care what she thinks. However, when you say "NO" here comes the kicker. Here comes the emasculation. "Andy, I was wrong. Apparently, you just aren’t ready," she said smugly. I was ready alright – ready for her to shut her mouth now that my manhood had been ripped from me.
I was firm and thoughtful in my "thanks but no thanks" and in turn I am shamed, ridiculed and challenged. I think the good news is my no must have been convincing and in her manual if you get the convincing no – it must say – "When encountering a firm and principled no – rip manhood immediately. Let prospect know the only way to get it back is by paying $49.95 and they can have it in 2 days via Fedex."
I am happy to say I have come up with the solution. I will never have to say no again to these people. I realized that – by the time I realize people with her skill are in front of me – it’s too late. I am trapped. You want to put your head down and scream "No, why me again – the tattoo." So, I am getting another tattoo. What..huh? Yes, the Lord blessed me with additional canvas to be inked up on my bald head.
So…now – when this occurs I slowly put my head down into my hands and they will see – "Shut the hell up. I have no interest." Finally, a tattoo with purpose and an objection that renders you speechless all rolled into one. Apparently, I wasn’t ready but she probably won’t be ready to read this either. Nice.
You know, Andy, I really had no idea where this was going, but as usual you were able to intrigue me into reading on to the end to get to the point. Perhaps it’s because I’m a woman, but I have no problem saying NO to people (you know what I mean…). Nevertheless, a highly entertaining story. Loved the ending – definitely worth the wait.
Maybe I’ll shave a spot on my head to get the tattoo about having no interest!
MLM is such an interesting thing. Like a chain letter that got a promotion